(exhales) pbbbbbt 

I'm not going to be good at this.

Good morning, Hank. It's January 2nd, 2007. I just spent 2 hours and 13 minutes downloading your 2 minute and 1 second video, which can mean only one thing: that I'm at Mom and Dad's house; the last residence in the United States of America with dial-up internet.

On the upside it's awfully pretty. Plus I get to be surrounded by memories of our childhood.

Hank, I know that you know a lot about me, but I feel like we should give people a brief introduction to the characters who are going to be appearing in this video blog.

To begin with, we have you: You are Hank Green, you are twenty...uhh...six? You are a web designer and environmental activist and writer.

My name is John Green. I'm 29. I'm a writer. I live in New York City.

My wife, Sarah, uh, does not wish to participate in this documentary. Sarah is like the Yeti. She'll appear prominently in our folklore. You'll hear many stories about her, but sightings will be exceedingly rare.

Other characters who will appear in the documentary include Maggie, and my parents who declined to be interviewed.

(to parents) Do you have anything to say to Hank off camera?

Dad: Happy New Year!
John: Mom?
Mom: I love you, son!

John: I know we've already agreed to dole out punishments if one of us fails to update our video blog on the appointed date. I've been thinking that we could also periodically give each other challenges. I've come up with a few suggested challenges.

The 'Eat Five See...' The 'Eat...' this is a tongue twister. The 'Eat Five Sheets of Toilet...' dammit. The 'Eat Five Sheets of Toilet Paper While Discussing the Political Situation in Nepal' challenge.

(whispers) I'm very interested in the political situation in Nepal.

The 'Drink a Glass of Strawberry Hill Wine Without Hurling' challenge.

Maybe we can make Thursdays and Fridays challenge days? I don't know, up to you. But I've got the Strawberry Hill if you've got the toilet paper.