Kat: Hey loves! I'm your host Kat and welcome to another episode of Engage by Uplift, a weekly video series aimed at having real talk for real change when it comes to sexual abuse.

How do you know it's an assault? Are rape and assault the same thing? These terms are often used interchangeably in our society and in the media but there is a difference. What is sexual assault? The most simple definition is when sexual contact happens without consent. An assault can be attempted rape, unwanted fondling, or groping, or being forced to perform any type of sexual act against your will.

When the sexual contact includes penetration, it's considered rape. Some people use sexual assault and rape interchangeably, but it's important to note that while all rapes are sexual assaults, not all assaults are rapes. Who can be assaulted? We mostly hear stories of women being assaulted by men but assault doesn't always fit that mold. Men, women, and folks who don't fit the gender binary can all be sexually assaulted.

Who assaults? When most people think of rape or sexual assault, they think of a male stranger in an alleyway with weapons and drugs. The reality is most people know their attacker before an assault. Just like anyone can be assaulted, people of any gender can assault somebody else.

What do assaults that don't use force look like? Coercion is a situation where a perpetrator uses threats, pressure, or intimidation. Coercion is anytime someone makes you too afraid to say no or wears you down to either silence or to a yes after you said no.

Another way that a perpetrator can get their way is through incapacitating their victim. While there are other drugs that can be used, alcohol is the most common rape drug. This is tricky because people get drunk and have sex all the time. So how do you know when a drunken hookup crosses the line?

Are one or all people too drunk to the point where they're slurring their words and stumbling around? If someone's too drunk to drive, there probably too drunk to have sex, too. This is true even if both parties are too drunk. In those cases, it's very possible for a perpetrator to miss the other person saying no, or stop, or wanting to get out of the situation. I'd also like to point out that this doesn't only pertain to hookups -- it can happen in an intimate romantic relationship. So it's a good idea to have open communication with your partner and tell them what you consider crossing the line.

Manipulation. So an example of this is if someone's drinking and they say that they've had enough to drink -- a perpetrator would then repeatedly say something along the lines of, "Oh, just one more!" until the victim continues to drink. A lot of the time people say that a victim wakes up and just regrets an encounter, but in reality it takes some time for a victim to realize that someone was using them. This is especially difficult if the perpetrator is someone that the victim is friends with or even attracted to.

I'd like to note that this is not a complete list of types of sexual assault. It's important to realize that laws are different depending on where you live. That's why it's smart to always listen for consent. If someone is doing a lot of work to get you to have sex with them, they may not be respecting your boundaries.

Really quick let's take a small break for this week's call to action. This week I'm asking you all to think up some media representations of folks being manipulated or pressured into sex. it could be from a movie TV show, book, or comic. make sure to share with us some of your examples and how those representations made you feel using the hash tag EngageUplift. We'll be sharing some on your submissions along with some of ours.

How do you know it's an assault? If you have a sexual encounter and you're not sure whether it was a sexual assault or not, here are some good questions to ask yourself.

When you think back on the situation, do you feel sick to your stomach? That's a good indicator that someone may have crossed the line. We all have bad and boring sex, but sex that makes you feel like throwing up or that you can't get clean after a shower isn't normal.

Did you say no or tell them to slow down or to stop? Did you make any non verbal indications that you weren't feeling good about what was happening? Were you ever afraid of the other person? Were you worried than you could ever be heard or worried that you would be hurt if you resisted? Did you know you would be ignored if you spoke up?

Assault happens in the absence of consent. Even if you didn't say no, it can still be an assault. Were you conscious of what was happening while it was happening? Did you consent to one thing like kissing and then it escalated without you being able to stop it? please remember that not all assault are obvious, especially when assault includes manipulation or alcohol. If you are ever unsure, you can always reach out to a sexual assault Resource Center to help find someone who can hear your story and help you better understand what happened. There's a whole spectrum of negative sexual encounters and even if something isn't illegal, it can still hurt.

Hey folks before you leave I'd love to share some other suggestions from last week's call to action. If you remember I asked you all "what are some of your self care tips?" Shannon H says that she writes down seven good things before she goes to sleep and they can range from good events to good foods to a compliment that she got or a positive way that she thought to herself that day. I really like that. Kudos to you, Shannon. Maddy Junkersfeld says that she plays with puppies! I love puppies. Some comments that I got on Facebook were from my own family. My Tia Gloria says that she makes jewelry out of recycled materials and she loves to help street dogs. This is true. She really does love helping lots of street dogs.

If you're interested in practicing a new form of self care, make sure to check out the hashtag #engageUplift on Twitter. While you're at it, why not follow us back @UpliftTogether and before you leave give this video a thumbs up if you found it helpful and subscribe. I'm Kat Lazo also known as TheeKatsMeoww, and I'll see you next week! Bye!