JOHN: Hi, I'm John Green. This is Crash Course Literature and today we're gonna continue - no. S ! I am the - oh, God!

JOHN: This is gonna take 150 takes, that's my prediction.

JOHN: Are you concerned?
UNKNOWN: Yes.
JOHN: What are you concerned about?
UNKNOWN: This wheel.
JOHN: Oh yeah, with good reason. I'm also - I'm also nervous. Everything will be fine.

JOHN: Well, I know. I know you'll mess up. There's no concern - that's 100%. So we're - but they're used to that, Mark. They haven't seen anything else.

JOHN: If Mark - I don't - I don't like to say this, it doesn't bring me any joy, but you are technically closer to your mark than Meredith. I'm not happy about it.

JOHN (stands): Are you kidding? You f ball! That was, like, the best one ever! Wow!

JOHN: Do-do-do-do. Do-do-do-do. I do remember it! All right.

JOHN: It sounds echo-y. Even to me.

JOHN: I love to talk loud, Stan.
STAN: I know. You're strident.
JOHN (laughs)

JOHN AS ME FROM THE PAST: Mr. Green, Mr. (clears his throat) - Mr. Green, Mr. Green! No.

JOHN: So Jem - no. F .

JOHN: So Scout and Jem are concerned about the whereabouts of their father - nope.

JOHN: So Jem - (clears his throat)

JOHN: Queen Victoria called it really - (laughs)

JOHN: "Miss Maudie's hand closed tightly on mine, and I said nothing. Its warmth was enough." Was that too much of a pause? A little too much?

JOHN: I also think Gatsby treats alcohol cheaply. For the record.

JOHN: That's how professors stay employed. I'm just kidding, professors. You stay employed because of tenure. No, I'm just kidding again. Please don't hate me!

JOHN: With a biga thist - a thist from acena?

JOHN: But when it comes to the sacred space of one's church, Calporn - Calpornia.

JOHN: Quote "led a dottest" - a dottest mubble?

JOHN: It is an autobioGRAPH - an autobioGRAPHy. Go f yourself, San Diego.

JOHN: Children - chillen killing par - chilling. Chilling killing paring - all right.

JOHN: It IS an autobiog - an autobiography. *.

JOHN: Let's go to the Thought - heh heh heh. Still can't say it.

JOHN: Oh wait, I don't know what I'm saying. Panic! Panic! Panic!

JOHN: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's f hilarious. All right, all right, all right.

JOHN: (Car noise in the background) That was quite loud. Loud pipes save lives.

JOHN: Funshine Bear wants to kiss me. It's weird. He's got his mouth all pursed and - I'm into it. (Kisses Care Bear.)

JOHN: Plutarch's lives in Paradise Lost. He's better-read than I am. Plutarch. Plutarch - why did I do that?

JOHN: Because you need someone to say, "Good night, sweet prince, and may angels sing thee to thy rest - " what is it? (Mumbles incoherently.) Basically -

JOHN: Um. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm.

JOHN (shivers): Anyway. (Shivers.)

JOHN: That wasn't my best work.

JOHN: Or is it in fact heroic to fact-check information - fact-check. Fact-check information that you get from a ghost before killing someone. Fact-check. Fact-check. Fact-check.

JOHN: It is irrevenant. It comes back. What is "irrevenant"?

JOHN: Time Magazine concurred that the book - concurred. Said. Nothing wrong with "said." Big believer in "said."

JOHN: Except when it came from Macbeth. To Macbeth. I mean, except when it came from Macbeth. TO Macbeth! F nuggets.

JOHN: With a pathographical record of the typical modes of - frickburgers.

JOHN: Was a very loud truck. God, that's the loudest truck that's ever happened in all of human history.

JOHN: I don't think any writer's ever benefited from an opium addiction. I'm just gonna go there.

JOHN: So Shakespeare based Hamlet on a medieval scandal - medieval? So - so Shakespeare based Hamlet on a medieval - medieval? What the * am I saying? Mid-evil?

JOHN: Oh, that's a very long quote.

JOHN: "It is an utterance from the depths of a struggling, suffering - " I don't have the rest of it on the screen.

JOHN: What's the joke there? Meredith? You've been dumped a lot.

STAN: I don't know what that means.
JOHN: Oh yeah, that's probably me just not finishing a sentence (laughs). I was so pleased with it I didn't feel the need to connect those ideas.
STAN: Just make sure you get it in somewhere in the last page.

JOHN AS ME FROM THE PAST: Green -
WOMAN OFF-SCREEN: I actually like this book.
JOHN AS ME FROM THE PAST: Thank you, I would never have remembered that line.

JOHN: "Of an inextinguishable misanthrop" - misANthropy? MisanTHROPy? MISanthropy? Misanthropic. MisANthropy? MisANthropy? MisANthropy. MisANthropy and revenge. "Inextinguishable misan" - misan - misANthropy. MisANthropy - misANthropy. "Inextinguishable MISanthropy" miss - misANthropy. "Inextinguishable MISanthropy and revenge." That was both bad pronunciations.

JOHN: I don't know how to stop it recording. I thought I hit the right button. No, it's been bl -