YouTube: https://youtube.com/watch?v=KVk_B0yrsdg
Previous: Paternity Leave Ends! And I Find Myself...
Next: Esther Day 2013

Categories

Statistics

View count:637,102
Likes:24,538
Dislikes:169
Comments:3,081
Duration:03:51
Uploaded:2013-08-02
Last sync:2018-12-02 04:40
In which Hank imparts some wisdom that he has gained through the last four years of getting on planes once every four months. An act that, to be clear, makes my carbon footprint so dramatically higher than average that I am deeply embarrassed by my own life.
Good morning John, I'm here at beautiful Anaheim, California. Which you can't see out the window cause it's very late. I'm here for VidCon, but I'm going to do all the people who aren't at VidCon a favor and not talk about VidCon, is that OK?

Here's the situation. I don't like flying. I don't like when somebody tells me when I can and can not go to the bathroom. I get nosebleeds, get slightly airsick, I don't like being away from the Internet and plane smells kind of funny. But I end up doing it a lot anyway and I kind of feel like I'm getting pretty good at it, so maybe there's some wisdom that I can impart to the world. So, without further ado, here are my 17 tips to make your travel day less terrible.

Before the flight

1. Don't try and pack everything you might need ever possibly need, make some hard decisions. I'm going on a 3-week long trip and this is my bag, Now I know I don't care that much about (stutter) this, and yeah, I only own one pair of shoes. But, if I can get it into that, then you can get it into one bag. And that's just going to make your life way easier.

2. You're not your best self on travel days. You're gonna be a little bit tired, maybe stupid, cranky, you might smell kinda bad. That's fine. You have permission to be that way.

3. But also, give everyone else permission to be that way, as well.

At Security

4. Liquids and gels (shakes bag) go into this thing. If they don't fit into this thing, then you can't bring 'em through security.

5. Peanut butter counts as a gel. I learned this the hard way.

6. Nowadays, you gotta take everything out of your pockets when you go through security. If you have, like a tiny piece of paper in your pocket, then they guy at security will be like, "Sir, what's in your pocket?" And you'll be like, "Well, on the scanner it probably looks like a tiny piece of paper, but in fact it is a rocket launcher!

7. Which leads me to: Don't be mean to security people, even though it's fun to joke about, because they don't make the rules, and they do get fired if they don't enforce them.

8. But, also don't joke with them about your pocket rocket launcher, unless you want to eat the carpet.

9. If you wear a hoodie, you will be pulled aside for further screening. It's not profiling, there's just a lot of room in there to hide stuff.

Boarding

10. If you don't have a big carry-on, you don't need to get on and make sure it finds a space. Just chill at the gate. You don't need to get in that big, long line. You don't gotta jostle for position, you have an assigned seat. You're going to get there eventually, and it's going to be less comfortable than the one you're in right now. So just, chill until it's like "Final boarding," and then you just walk on the plane. Love it.

11. Okay so you're boarding the plane: get out of the aisle! This is one artery, and if you're clogging it, everyone's dying.

12. You may notice that the people in first class look unhappy, and this may seem odd to you because you're like "but they're the first class people, they got the best seats on the plane." But it turns out that they got them by traveling like 200 days a year, they don't pay extra for those. They're like the super VIPs because they travel all the time and that's just no way to live your life.

On the Plane

13. Depending on the airline you will get various things for free during your flight, but you can only ever really count on one of these (holds up bag of peanuts) of some sort, and maybe one of these (holds up package of cookies), which are these little Biscoff cookies. Also a cup of soda, water, juice, or coffee, something like that. So maybe bring a snack.

14. Also, a water bittle- bittle?! A water bottle to fill up after you've gone through security, because apparently, past security is the only place in the world where it's okay to charge five dollars for a bottle of water.

15. So you're not allowed to use electronics during the take off and the landing, because apparently the fifty millivolts from your Kindle is gonna blow up a 747 or something. So bring a real book. They're great anyway. Aren't they nice?

On the Ground

16. If you have a connecting flight, first thing you do is you go to the board and see where it is and what time it is. Even if you're like two hours late, cause that flight may have been delayed too, and you don't wanna miss it if you don't have to.

17. If you do miss a connection, while you're waiting in line to get your stuff rerouted, you can be on Kayak or Hipmunk or whatever looking up to see what flights you might get on. Or you can just call the customer support cause it's better to be waiting in two lines, if you can do two at the same time. You never know which is gonna finish up first. This has helped me many a time.

I hope this video helps you out next time you go on a travel adventure. John, I will see you on Tuesday. I think I'm gonna be seeing you before then, actually. Because you're like literally on the other side of that wall.