YouTube: https://youtube.com/watch?v=Edb7AX3AbzM
Previous: The Worst Part of Writing a Book
Next: LONG VERSION: The Sharpest Tool in the Shed

Categories

Statistics

View count:1,176
Likes:151
Dislikes:0
Comments:33
Duration:08:12
Uploaded:2020-04-17
Last sync:2020-04-17 17:00
So there's this hashtag going around on Twitter and I found this old photo of me when I was 20 and there was...discussion about it. So I wanted to walk you through this picture just so we could all be on the same page and also because I am procrastinating.
Hello.  This is Hank Green.  I just wanted to give you a little bit of a tour of this photograph of me and I found it recently and I just wanted to sort of walk you through it, starting at the bottom left-hand corner.  Many people have noticed that this is the weird rocky dorm chair that apparently the makers of weird rocky dorm chairs have done an exceptional job of marketing their product all over the United States of America, maybe even beyond because many people recognized this chair. 

You also see a pair of drumsticks there.  I did not have a drum kit in college.  I did practice sometimes in the practice rooms, but I mostly just used those on the ground loudly.

Now, underneath my chair you will see...I have no idea what all of this is.  It appears to be detritus.  Literal trash that definitely should have been thrown away by this point.  We have my computer tower over here.  That is--I remember working on that computer that had a floppy disk drive in it.  I believe it also had a zip drive in it.  I installed all of that stuff myself, built that computer.  

On top here is definitely some kind of pirated CD, probably Starcraft or Warcraft or Alpha Centauri, possibly?  Definitely some kind of pirated software video game, almost definitely.

We're gonna move up the right side a little bit here.  I don't know what's happening in this area.  Maybe a sandwich?  This on the very edge of the desk here is a glass flower, a glass-blown flower, very fragile.  Right next to where my mouse is on the very edge of the desk.  This is the--probably the nicest thing in my dorm room.  I have not appeared--it appears to me, not done anything or thought at all about how to keep it in a place that is at all safe.  I believe that this was not gonna be there for very long though, and it was going to be given to my girlfriend at the time, who is also now my wife.   Yeah, that big old chunky mouse.  I bet that had a ball in it, not even a laser.  

Let's move now across to the left.  I'm wearing my baggy khaki pants here.  You can see a little bit of my underwear, I think, and then this is a Rancid t-shirt that I think I still have?  I don't wear it very often because it is threadbare, but I do still have it, because I have a sentimental attachment to it.  

Now, also on the chair appears to be something.  I don't know why there's something on the chair that I have recently sat down on, but there it is.  Something was on my chair and then I don't recognize this brown piece of clothing at all.  That is not familiar to me.  

Over here on the left-hand side, all the way to the left, we see a box.  I don't think that was fine, nor do I think this bottle was mine, nor do I think this weight--I think that's a weight back there, was mine.  

Let's move over to the left some more.  My hair--this is not usually what my hair looked like.  I must have been in a state at the moment.  I do remember this standy-uppy plastic thing that I put stuff in.  That was useful and my printer was on top of it.  That printer worked great and was black and white, and I have ever since then really wanted a printer that has--only does black and white and just, because God only knows do I not care about having fucking color in the prints that I am making so that I can--'cause why?  Why am I printing anything?  It's the year 2020 but I still need one of these things.  

This bottle, I don't even recognize what brand of drink this is, but I will say that I must have been drinking it.  It doesn't seem right.  On the bottom here of the computer screen, I believe that that is what is called--what was called AllAdvantage.  It was a pop-up that always existed on your computer and showed you ads all the time and you got paid to have this pop-up on your computer.  Does anyone else remember AllAdvantage?  It went out of business because of how it was a terrible idea and also lots of people, including me, gamed it to make you think, to make it think that you are at your computer when you weren't at your computer and so they went out of business because of assholes like me.  

What am I doing on the computer here right now?  It is not entirely clear.  That's clearly not a video game but it is also does not appear to be a word processor?  It could be--it is a website.  I think it is a website of some sort.

On top of my computer, who knows what that is.  I've got my Mead composition notebook.  Gonna move across again.  I think a lot of this was shared space with me and my roommate, so I don't think that this orange drink was mine and I don't think that this green roll was mine either.  I don't know what that is stuffed in here.

We will continue moving up.  This flat thing, I believe, is an incense holder which is deeply embarrassing.  Moving on up the wall, this is a Star Wars poster, of course, you probably recognize that.  This is my bed.  If you're wondering how I got on to that bed, that's a good--that's a good thought to be having.  It is a little bit perplexing how exactly that might have happened and it was.  I stepped on to this chair and then I stepped on to the desk and then I got on to the bed from there.  A bit of a stretch to get there, but not a problem.  Trying to save space, it's a small room.  Everybody's into tiny houses now, that's basically just dorm rooms.

Good functioning situation.  Here is our brick wall and then what--I--people have not commented on this, but the flimsy nature of this pillow....I used to have really bad pillows and it used to not bother me at all and now I have to have a pretty complicated pillow in order to just survive.  That's a--that's just remarkable and also the size and nature of this bed.  I guess--I never fell off, so that's good.  

A number of people did, however, comment on the floating Sprite bottle.  That was my nighttime Sprite.  It was not full of Sprite, though, it was full of water, so that--that Sprite bottle, which is indeed a Sprite bottle, was velcro-ed to the wall, and then I would take it down if I needed to take a swig of drink in the night 'cause I got thirsty.   Now if I do that, I immediately have to pee, so I'm no longer able to do that because I'm a 40 year old.  

This is a clock radio that also played a CD upon the time when you wanted it to wake you up, but instead of the music waking you up, the noise of the CD starting to spin would wake you up and so that noise is forever burned into my brain of the, like, click whirr that thing made right before it woke me up at inconvenient times all throughout my college life and even before that.  I had that thing when I was in high school.

That is, I think, all I can say about this photograph.  I did not mention the top shelf here, which I believe contains a jar of chocolate icing, which I just ate like it was ice cream.  Other than that, this book on the floor may be Blue Mars, but I'm not sure enough to say it for sure and I think that's pretty much all I have to say.  

If you have any thoughts about anything that's going on in this dorm room, you can figure out what this orange drink is or what this other drink is, please let me know.  I am curious about them, and but hats off to me in college.  I sure did sit this way and that's not a joke.  That's--I really--and if you work with me now, you know that I, even to this day, do not shy away from putting my knees up on a table.  I apologize to all of my colleagues.

Goodbye.