Good morning, John.

Bozeman, I have not spent a ton of time here, but I got a vibe. It seems like it's a dog town.

Hank: You got a what? Audience Member #1: Vizsla.

Hank: A Vizsla? Audience Member #1: They're sexy.

Hank: They're sexy?! We're gonna talk about that later. Audience Member #2: -poodles.

Hank: Two standard poodles? Audience Member #2: A while ago.

Hank: A while ago? *audience “aw”s*

Hank: I'm sorry. They do tend to do that. So I don't want to make any enemies tonight, but I am going to make a controversial  statement that cats are definitely better than dogs. It may be in part because I had  one of the worst dogs growing up.

Not, like, breed. He was a miniature dachshund,  which is one of the worst breeds, but just the individual dog was one of the worst dogs.  He was bad in that way where, like, you can't kill him about it. He wouldn't hurt you.

But he tried, he’d, like, but like, on the, like, emotionally. One time I locked him in my mom's room accidentally for, like, two hours  and I opened the door and he looked up at me and then he peed. He pooped in the Nintendo, legendarily, which does seem like something that a  child did and then blamed on a dog, but I don't remember.

We all have dogs and cats  in our lives that we love,  and so it is very hard to have this conversation in a rational way.  But I think it's important for us to decide. We can't be like, no, I'm a dog person.  I'm a cat person. No, we have to decide which is actually worse.

And I think there's  a way to take the 30,000-foot view here and to actually figure out the answer  to the question. The way to do that is to imagine that this animal is just a roommate. So imagine that your cat is a human roommate.

What's the weirdest, worst thing that they do?  Poop in a special toilet? Astronauts do that, and they're awesome.  “Yeah, but they make you clean it!” I've had that roommate! That's a normal  roommate thing.

Now, I think you also might be thinking, here's a huge red flag  for a cat that is your roommate, and it is the fact that they sometimes kill small animals.  And that's a—that is not something that you want a roommate to do. But I will remind you  that they also then eat the animal and it's Montana, and killing and eating your  own food is absolutely normal roommate behavior. I've had that room—like a  roommate with a chest freezer full of backstrap is good news!  That's exciting that that happened!

That's a good roommate! My only problem with the cat is that it's bad at preparing the food, which is  normal roommate behavior. What's not normal about a cat being a roommate?  They hate Christmas trees?

People are weird! We've all had really weird roommates.  What's the biggest red flag if a dog's a roommate? How about this?  You have a friend come over.

They knock on your door.  Your roommate bolts up from the couch and runs to the door and just screams?!  I'd rather have a roommate  that kills small animals!  That is a huge red flag. You have a roommate that can't go outside by itself?  You have a roommate that poops in the backyard? No, give that thing a  special toilet!

And I mean, you may be thinking,  no, my dog is very nice, doesn't bark. Does it place its nose onto my testicles? Now, there is one huge roommate red flag that both dogs and cats share, which is that  if you die, they will eat you.

So your roommate is like, I don't know how phones work,  and I don't know how to leave the house, so there's only one solution to this problem…  And I don't begrudge the dogs and the cats for that at all! Like, that's fine. Do it.  Have you ever done a squat and you, like, do it— like, do you go to the gym?  You look like you go to the gym.

Audience Member #3: I could. I mean—

Hank: I *could* go to the gym. Just take the—take the compliment. Audience Member #3: If you, Hank Green, are saying that—

Hank: Yeah, yeah. You ever doing a squat at the gym and you feel your leg and you're like,  that's food. That's meat in there! Anyway,  if you're my pet and I die, you can eat me.

Thank you, I’ve been Hank Green. John, I’ll see you…tomorrow.