Good morning, Hank. It's Tuesday May 28, 2013. You know, something just occurred to me - I've probably said "Good morning, Hank, it's Tuesday" like 600 times in my life and I only just now realized that "Tuesday" is probably because it's the second day.

Nnnnnope, in fact, it is named for Tiw, the proto-Germanic god of war. Hank, today's video comes in three parts.

Part one: a quick response to your video about tumblr and start-ups and the monetization of cool things. I think the underlying problem is that almost everything on the internet is dependent upon advertising, and advertisers, in my opinion, are terrible at measuring the value in the creator-viewer relationship.

Hank, advertisers care much more about the number of views than the quality of views. So for instance, Thoughts From Places videos are consistently the least viewed videos on the Vlogbrothers channel. So the advertising revenue model tells us to stop making Thoughts From Places videos and focus on, like, giraffe sex.

But in fact, Hank, we know from comments and conversations with Nerdfighters that the Thoughts From Places videos are among their favorites. The people we really want to love our videos love those videos - dare I say it? - more than giraffe sex!

Now Hank, don't get me wrong, I dig giraffe sex, but I want a broader Internet. And I worry that tumblr and Facebook and even YouTube can only support that breadth as long as they are willing to lose money. So Hank, please fix this problem during my paternity leave, okay? Thanks.

Part two: Nerd Factor. Thank you so much to the more than 1600 people who posted videos to the Nerdfactor competition, I am very sad that I can only be replaced by two of you. But to quote Tiw, the great proto-Germanic god of war, "There must always be a victor." It's not really a quote.

So our first winner is... MagicTurtle643! [from "The Truth About TEA"]
 

Check out this teacup I got! And look what it comes with! And what's this supposed to be, a checklist? Tea, tea, tea? Well, check, check, check! Mmm, oh man, nothin' in there. Look, they both have the same drowsy bear in a nightgown! And this is my personal favorite, the instant chrysanthemum beverage! I'm not sure if this is actually tea or not, and I have to be honest, I haven't actually tried this one, because I'm pretty sure there was a packaging error, and instead of a chrysanthemum beverage, I wound up with packets of Chinese rat poison.

Hank, this guy's been making videos for more than five years, he's participated in the Project for Awesome, and he has fewer than 700 subscribers, and he's hilarious. So let's change that.

So he will be playing the role of me on some forthcoming Tuesday of my paternity leave, as will... NerdyAndQuirky!

[From "HOW TO ATTRACT HUMAN"]
 

Hello. Welcome to NerdyAndQuirky. As a fourteen year old with the emotional maturity, of, say, an unearthed potato, I feel like it's my responsibility to tell you all how to attract human, with romantic undertones, because Valentine's Day.

NerdyAndQuirky is one of the best YouTubers I have come across in years. Take a gander at this clip from her video about fangirls. [from "How to take care of a FANGIRL"]
 

You may also find your fangirl in tears. Do not approach. This is their most dangerous state, when they are prone to lash out. Take care of them from a distance. There, there, fangirl. The new season starts next fall, unless it's from NBC.

So Hank, those are the the two nerdfighters who will be standing in for me during my paternity leave; however, I want to declare two more winners, both singers. First: Ruby Day. [from "A Little Seasick"]

Aw man, that is good. And second, the Swot Sisters. [from "Nerdfighter Eclectanerd Song"]

Hank, the whole song is amazing; there are links to all these channels in the dooblydoo; they are all excellent! So please check them out, and subscribe to them. Thank you to everyone who submitted to Nerd Factor, and especially to Danica, who helped make all of this possible...

...and now Part three! Hank, do you remember I had that special edition TFIOS audiobook narrated by me, with like a bonus DVD and stuff, was available for a while on DFTBA.com? It is back! Available for pre-order now, link in the doobly-doo, or you can just click there.

Hank, I will see you on Friday - little-known fact- named for Stephen Fry.