Good morning, Hank, it's Friday.

And for those of you who don't know me, my name is Maureen Johnson, and I am going to be filling in for John Green while he's off, uh... being a father. So you're going to be staring at my face, for the next few days, few weeks or months, if you don't know who I am, I am a friend of John's, a fellow YA author, best known to any of you nerdfighters probably as the person who originated the joke, uh, in your pants, uh... and you may also know me by my most common title, which is uh... second prettiest Green brother.

But really what I am is the Conan to John's Leno because he's just giving me the show and he's just going to take it right back from me.

Really, he picked me because I'm not very good at videos and he just wants you to want him to come back. I mean, I don't know anything about making videos. The only thing I've learned watching John and Hank is that you're supposed to move your chair every once in a while, so I'm just going to do that for like... I don't know... two hours? How long are these videos? Two hours? I don't... I assume they're two hours, right? Good. So. Because that's how long this one's going to be.

Honestly, this wouldn't really even be an issue if John just could, you know, keep it... (sighs) in his pants.

I had to say it at some point.

Anyway, if you have any comments about my performance, because I, I really want to do a good job, and you know, a sort of, kind of, "how's my driving" thing, uh, don't even bother sending them to here because I'm not going to go through their mail. Um, send them to me on twitter. I'm just maureenjohnson, all one word, and uh... I'll read them. So if you want to say, "I like your style" or you know... "you're doing a great job," or, "YOU SUCK! I HATE YOUR FACE!" or something like that, that'd be great. You send them to me there, and I'll read them.

So anyway, the John that you know, uh, and love, uh... You know, he's sort of like the John that I know and love, but there's another side of John that I feel like I can, I can really help you explore in this, you know, in our time together, and uh, as it happens, luckily enough, I have a little footage that I shot of him, uh, while he was here, uh, before he moved, and I put it together in a little video I think you'll... you know... a little homage, homageee, uh, to John, that I think you're going to enjoy.

John Green: some actual footage

AHHHHHHH

Actual John Green

He's so Dangerous

Nerdfightin' all the time

He's contagerous

Pwnin' all the haterz

With his trombones

wrestlin' alligators

He's like a time bomb

Whatcha Gonna Do

All you Decepticons?

Better run and Hide...

He's got his Puff on!

And you know what he likes

Tiny elephants!

(on screen: with Hank Green as "Smooth Time" Green)

Where's he store all his stuff?

He's got it in his pants.

Actual John Green

Actual John Green