Crowd: Good morning Hank,it’s Tuesday,

John: As you can tell from the grey speckled walls behind me, I have once again found myself in airport but this airport is different from most not only because it’s playing smooth jazz but also because it contains a Hank.

The side of my face has been bruised by the hat I’ve been wearing. It’s also a little warm in this airport.

Hank: Did your head get too big?

John:No, my head’s the right size-it’s yours that’s too big.

Hank: No but like did your head get bigger and your hat stop fitting.

John: Hmm.

Hank: Is there a disease that makes your head bigger?

John: There is Hank,thanks for mentioning it.   

Hey hank,what’s the embarrassing story that got cut from the podcast that’s your most embarrassing story ever?

Hank: I don’t think it’s that embarrassing but everybody I tell it to is like no-you can never say that out loud.

John: OK then, you just tell it, tell it.I’m ready, it’s time. 

Hank: You’re one of the people.

John: No, the time has come.

Hank: No, actually I’ve decided I’m too embarrassing.

John:I mean the second most embarrassing thing about Hank is that he faked a British accent for a full year when he was a teenager.

What was your favourite class you took in college?Mine was about the emergence of Islam in central Asia which is a little bit niche but it was a great class.

Hank: I liked all my classes except for physical chemistry.

John: That is not how I felt about collage.

Have either of you ever considered getting lenses?

Hank: I got contact lenses for a little while when I was in High school.They hurt my eyeballs.

John: I just don’t like the way I look without glasses.I feel like i’m not myself.

Hank: Yeah, no, we’re total space aliens.

John: Ready?

Hank: Mhm.

Both begin to laugh.

John: This music is making it very hard.

Hank: It feels like we should be like slow dancing.

John: Would you ever consider writing a novel together?

Hank: Yeah.

John: No.

I’m surprised that you said yes now I’m thinking maybe the answer should be yes.

Hank: Yeah cause there would be really great spaceships and also great love stories.

John: Oh God,I don’t wanna write a love story set on a spaceship; can I just have it set on a room but then the room is happens to be in a spaceship.

Hank: The whole story takes place in a room?

John: Yeah,like they’re in a space prison or something.

Hank: Thats the greatest- yeah- Space Prison Love. That’s what it’s called - the name of the book

John: It’s happening. Based on my current writing phase look for it in 2031.

Hank: Did you- do you, do you wanna see the text message you sent me where you were like I have a great idea.

John: I did- that was a great idea.That was a million dollar idea and I my feelings are hurt that you were gonna read the text messages if it weren’t a million dollar idea.

Hank: A novel that’s comprised of a single, 52000 word YouTube comment.

John: That is a great idea and it’s a free idea, I’m sending it out into the world.

Would you want your collective portmanteau to be Jank or Hohn.

Hank: Yeah, the collective portmanteau is for thing is for like people who are in love and dating and

John: Like Bennifer.

Hank: Yeah.

John: William H Macy and Felicity Huffman 

Hank: Are dating?

John: They’ve been together for like 30 years and their couple name is Filliam H Muffman.

Hank: Laughs.

John: What would be your Patronus?

Hank: Like a little baby bear.

John: Tiny little baby cub.

Hank: Little.Yeah little yeah cute little cub yeah he’s really new, he falls over sometimes.

John: Mine would be a very old fox, like an elf.
 
Hank: Laughs

John: Are you kidding me?

Hank: If you’re missing your inflatable crayon.

John: Sombody left an inflatable crayon at the checkpoint and that’s cause for a full airport alarm.

Hank: 100% some mom somewhere was like oh thank God we left that inflatable crayon

John: Hank, why does my cat smell like a diseased goat?

Hank: You should get that checked out.

John: Why do you know what a diseased got smells like?

20 years from now, what would you say to someone who wasn’t alive about what now felt like?

Hank: Oh. I don’t. It felt very

John: You know, what it it felt like, it felt like starting a lot of sentences but not knowing how to finish them.

Hank, it’s so fun to be on tour with you and Katherine.Thanks to everybody who has been here, thanks to the Madison airport for being so accommodating and also for their uh really smooth smooth Jazz.

I will se you on Friday, but also now.

Hank: Let’s go eat food.