Good morning Hank, it's Tuesday. So on Friday, you asked nerdfighters to share their problems with us and with each other, and they did so and I am here to help! As the poet hath wrote: "If you got a problem, yo, I'll solve it." Let's get right to it! -"My laptop overheats so I can't play games." You probably just need to clean your laptop's fan, but if that doesn't work, behold! A beautiful twenty dollar cooling pad. -"I feel that spiders are a big problem in the world." Well, the lack of spiders would be a much bigger problem, but anyway, the solution to your problem is 192 pages long, and it is beautiful, and it is called "Charlotte's Web." Read it immediately. -"I'm scared of the dark." Yeah, well, you should be. It's terrifying! Just be grateful you're not a vampire! -"My biggest problem is my sister. She is annoying & a vampire." Yeah, well, to be fair, she's probably annoying BECAUSE she's a vampire; vampires don't have it easy - even the sparkly kind have their struggles. So you have to find a way to put yourself in your sister's vampiric shoes. The two keys to sibling vampiric relationships: Number One, empathy, Number Two, no biting. -"I hate when you're about to sit on the one seat left on the bus, and then someone takes the seat." Right, so the thing to do in that situation is to assume, even if it's improbable, that that person needs the seat more than you do. It may not be true, but it will be very helpful to you in terms of keeping sane, particularly, like, in parking lots around Christmas. -"My clothes dryer just set off my fire alarm. Dear alarm, WORK BETTER!" Ok, so I'm just going to throw this out there: I'd be more worried about the dryer than the alarm, because it seems to me that the alarm is working perfectly. -"I never know what to do, and I always invent a reason not to do stuff." Yeah, this is a common problem, because the easiest thing for us to do is the thing that we are currently doing, which is usually nothing. But I have three quick suggestions: One, go to an art museum by yourself; Two, read some poetry; Three, using Google Maps, find a nearby park that has some walking trails and then walk around them doing amateur bird-watching, but inventing names for each of the birds you discover. -"MY CAPSLOCK KEY IS BROKEN." OH GOD, PANIC! No, just kidding. If you have a Mac, you can disable your caps lock button in System Preferences, and if you have a PC you should get the free application Key Tweak (link in the doobaly-doo). -"I have stairs that have an open space between the steps, and I'm scared that someone's going to grab my ankles." Yeah, I'm not sure I see that as a problem. Let's suppose somebody does grab your ankles. All they have is your ankles. You can still reach into your pocket and call 911, and if, in the meantime, they want to come get you, they have to come out from under the staircase and run up the stairs, during which time you can run up the stairs, lock the door on them, and leave them there until the police come. Frankly, of all the possible home intruder outcomes, "grabbed by the ankle" is like, the best! -"The book store in my mall closed down, and it was replaced by an eyebrow design store." Wow, that is depressing. I have two solutions: First, design your own eyebrows, and Second, buy books at bookstores! If you want bookstores to exist, support them. The way that you spend your money shapes the world in which we live. -"Hufflepuff discrimination." Yeah, I know right? But Hufflepuff don't care. -"My problem is a lack of community for beginning writers." Check out figment.com (link in the doobaly-doo). -"It's much easier to watch from afar than to participate in things." That's true, but it's a lot more fun to participate, so here are three easy ways to be nerdfightastic: One, if you haven't joined kiva.org, you can still make your first loan to an entrepreneur in the developing world for free. There is a link- woahWOAHWOAH! Woah woah, link... in the doobaly-doo. Almost went down there, but I didn't. Two, you can read Fahrenheit 451, and Three, why not take a few minutes to respond to some comments with niceness? Being nice is surprisingly entertaining. -"I have spelling problems that limit how nerdy I can be." I totally disagree with your premise- my brother is a terrible speller, and a tremendous nerd. -"I'm an older nerdfighter." Yes, so am I. To help you feel less alone, I have created a Facebook group for us, there's a link in the doobaly-doo. -"I can't find nerdfighters who live in my area." You should look on Facebook and in the Ning and in Your Pants (context is everything), because there are a lot of location-specific nerdfighter groups. -"I have a slight fear of being drowned by mermaids." Nah, don't worry about that, you'll be fine! Well, until the human voices wake you. Hank, I'll see you on Friday.