Hi, I'm John Green, this is Crash Course [shouting] OHHH NOOO!!! [John and off screen laughing] Hi, I'm John Green, this is Crash Course US History, and t... ahhh... Hi... [off screen, laughing] uh uh uh uh... There's revolutions where things do change, and those where they... naaah. [singing] Do do do-do-do do do do-do. [gibberish] My, my jaw keeps clicking. Can you hear that? Dickinsons... I'm saying d so much in this video. Gatsby just wants to reach across the green bay and get to that green light, and he believes that... No?... Huh? I said green bay? [laughs] No one ever wanted to get to Green Bay. Better to see that than my chest hair. [singing] Because I could not stop for death, she kindly stopped for me. [spoken] He. [laughs] I just made death into a lady. No, at the end of the night you lean in to kiss her like... [laughing] I just caught a glimpse of myself. As John Winthromp himself... Winthromp. The English Toleration Act of 1960... 1960. Oh, it's time for the open letter? Oh, nope, nope, nope, panic, panic, sorry, I forgot, I forgot, I forgot I'm supposed to go when I say that Oh wait, don't I have to say something before... Hold on. Nobody's ready... Oh no, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't... Makes me think of wealth, and to a lesser extent, decay... Ow! Ohhh... Ahhh... An open letter to, uhhh, I don't remember what it was supposed to be 'cause my ankle hurts so much. Ohhhh... Ahhh... Let's see what today's mystery document is! I should do "The rules here are simple." *bleep*ing Canadians, thinking that sugar beets are sugar. Rock Master Scott & the Dynamic Three's hit... It's so hard to say "Rock Master Scott & the Dynamic Three's". Is that right? Sock? Massa-swah? Massa-soit? The land the English found was, of course, already inhabited... [laughs] But the upshot... which sparked what in the colonies? [off screen] Uprisings. [John] Uprisings. Fort Du-qes-neh... Du-qes-neh? Du-quees-nee? Du-qes-nuh? The judiciary con... The judges... Can I just say "the judges"? [singing] Because I could not stop for death, he kindly stopped for me... [spoken] That was terrible. So they actually... Oops. Sorry. Ah, what's the joke? [off screen, laughing] I thought you had one! [John] No. Too much to kiss him? [off screen] Well, no... It's loving. also in the green lands of Not America... [laughing] Ummm... Are we taking the... Are we, are we taking this bit too far? I don't think so. The state had occurred... had incurred! Had amassed. Whatever. Alvar... dammit. 'cause he lives in a social order that's happy to drink illegal alcohol, but condemns... aaah. sometimes called Poem 456, and sometimes known by its first line, "I heard a fly buzz when I died". [off screen] Poem 465. [John] *bleep* *bleep* and it also implies... oh, *bleep* *bleep*nugget. thwart pirates who kept attacking Span... Span... Spain-laden golden gal... what the *bleep* am I saying? more complicated understanding... more complex, f . And as there was limited water and firefighting resources, this sometimes resulted in letting the mother burn. [laughs] That didn't go well. That was the death buzz of a fly. Okay, here we go... It's a big document, sorry. Okay, one more try. Plus, I gotta retie the document every time I f up. That's annoying. I don't have a joke. You gotta hit the record button. [off screen] I did! [John] It's not red! [off screen] Yes it is. You just can't see it. [John] Oh, you're right! You're so pretty! It's thin-lipped, but in a good way... That was too much. And this meant... I gotta fix my glasses. This is America! Wasn't in the shot. Crash Course is produced and dir... oh! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa, whoa. All right. Our script supervisor is Danica Johnson... nope! The associate producer is... aaah. That wasn't very good. I'm gonna do it again. If you have questions about today's video, you can ask them in comments [laughing] where they will be answered by our team of historians. [laughing off screen] The show is written by my high school history teacher, Raoul... God, I was close. Thanks for... whoa! I'm off screen. [laughing] You didn't like that? [off screen laughing] I have some flirtatious notes to exchange with Jessica Alvarez... I know she's not gonna hook up with me! Gaaah, Mr. Green, you're always ruining everything.