I'm going to sing a song for you!

Uh, this song is called "My Phone" and it's going to be really bad I can absolute 100 percent guarantee you that this is going to be a bad performance of this song. So I'll be doing a different version of it in the studio soon, but I'm just going to crank it out so you guys can hear.

*starts playing*

I didn't think it was for real
or it could be such a big deal
that this hunk of silicon could save my life
but now I've seen what it can do
and after all that we've been through
*pauses*
all that we've been through
and I had to write a song all about why
it can do anything
it can even help me sing
and yes it helped me find my soul mate
it can be a lightsaber
or help me find out if my neighbor
is a registered sex offender in my state.
Have you been bitten by a vampire bat?
well, yeah, there's an app for that.
been deployed into heavy combat? 
there's an app for that 
In a fight with Yasser Arafat?
well there's an app for that 

Have you heard about my phone 
My phone's so sweet 
my phone pwns your phone 
I'm so freakin' leet 
One thing you gotta understand 
my phone it holds my hand .
I don't think you could comprehend how 
I don't even need a girlfriend now 
'cause my phone does everything.
Yeah, my phone does everything.

If I put it in my pants 
suddenly, I can dance 
and the ladies flock to me on the dance floor.
Uh, and the one that I take home 
invariably loves my phone 
Too bad there's not an app for birth control.
Are you bored at the laundromat?
well there's an app for that.
Feeling like you're getting fat?
well there's an app for that.
Forgetting when to feed your cat? 
There's an app for that.

Have you heard about my phone? 
My phone's so sweet.
My phone owns your phone,
I'm so freakin' leet 
One thing you gotta understand,
my phone it holds my hand.
I don't think you could comprehend how 
I don't even need a girlfriend now 
'cause my phone does everything.
And yes, I mean everything.

I gotta scroll down so I can see the rest of the chords...

My finance application 
says I deserve a vacation 
and it solved the financial crisis in Greece.
Stevie Jobs knows what he's doin'
in my opinion he's a shoe-in 
for the twenty ten Nobel price for peace.
Are ya learning how to knit a hat?
well there's an app for that 
You wife just gave birth to a cat 
There's an app for that 
Want to call your mom and chat... 
well...actually the signal's sort of spotty out here I'm gonna have to call you when I get into town...'cause the reception's not very good out here...

my phone pwns your phone 
I'm so freakin' leet 
One thing you gotta understand 
my phone it holds my hand.
I don't think you could comprehend how 
I don't even need a girlfriend now 
'cause my phone does everything.
And yes, I mean everything.
Oh yes, I mean everything.
Yes, I mean everything.

You're probably not gonna like it in the other version because you're gonna be like "I like it when you're weird when you're recording your songs". I was weird. That's all. Bye bye. I hope you enjoyed.